Looking Ahead

Four weeks ago I left Saipan. It was a bittersweet move, but one I knew I had to make. Since January I have been praying about this move and transition in my life. There were moments when I doubted my decision. I questioned whether I was doing the right thing. After-all jobs are hard to find back here in the States. I had job security. I loved where I worked and what I was doing. I love Saipan. I had no job waiting for me back home. So why leave? I asked God often for confirmation on my decision and he gave them. Still, I kept questioning whether I was doing the right thing. Again and again, though, I felt God was nudging me home. There was a moment when I had to simply put my doubts out of my mind and trust those nudges and go. So, I left the security of my job in Saipan and took a leap of faith in moving back home to Indiana.

I am happy to be back home. It feels good to be back where my roots are. I look forward to growing some new branches in my life. Even though I still haven't found a job yet, I know God will provide. This is a journey in faith. Real faith. Trusting God even though I can't see what's on the horizon. Believing my needs will be meet without the security of a job. My faith will grow.

So, I look ahead with hope knowing God is with me every step of the way.

Si Young and Sung Ye

Si Young and Sung Ye and their two boys, Isaac and Daniel

Since mid February I have been privately tutoring a young Korean couple four nights a week in learning English. There names are Si Young (husband) and Sung Ye (wife). After eight weeks they still refer to me as "Teacher". They don't even remember my name. I am not offended by this because "Teacher" is a word that signifies a high honor of respect in their culture. While I am honored by their respect toward me, I want to hear them say my name. I am working on building their trust in me as more than an English tutor, but also as a friend. They know I am friendly and we act friendly toward each other, but developing a friendship relationship takes time and nurturing. We are making good progress in this.

Last Thursday I suggested to Sung Ye that instead of sitting in a room for one hour and looking over an English lesson, why don't we all meet at the Street Market and we can have our English lesson talking and discussing the sites, sounds, smells, and tastes all around us. At first, she hesitated because they have two small boys and they "want this and want that". I understood. Children are a handful...literally sometimes.

They agreed to meet me there and I had prepared a special English lesson that involved them paying attention to as many details about what they saw, heard, smelled, tasted, and felt. We made our way through the food and craft vendors toward the Paseo de Marianas to watch the annual Awa Ordori perform. It was crowded and full of revelers enjoying the evening.

While walking through the crowd, Sung Ye put her arm through my arm and said in broken English, "Please don't leave Saipan." Her husband had said the very same thing the night before. I didn't know what to say at that moment, so we kept walking arm in arm toward the Paseo de Marianas. Finally I found the words I thought would comfort her. "I will find you another good tutor, Sung Ye." She said nothing.

As we made our way to the stage area we heard the strong beating of several drums. The Awa Ordori were dancing their way down the street. We managed to find a spot where we could see the performance and take good pictures. It occurred to me that that was wise of them to bring their camera to video the events and sites of the Street Market. They could use that video to recall what they saw and heard.

After about two hours we parted ways and I continued on in browsing over some of the craft vendors. I look forward to seeing them both again and talking about our "English field trip."

It was a fun, exciting, and I hope purposeful evening at the Street Market. Later when I arrived home, I thought a lot about my relationship with them, their family, and their future. I am only helping them learn English. I am just a small part of a bigger dream they have for themselves. There are many other tutors who could help them. But would they put in the time and investment I have with Si Young and Sung Ye? I really enjoy tutoring this young couple. I don't earn that much money from tutoring them; barely enough for a tank of gas. Yet, I feel like I have a purpose in helping them. It isn't about the money.

Si Young and Sung Ye trust me to help them learn English. They like me. I like them. We are building a relationship. I want to continue to help them. But, do I stay on in Saipan? Oh, if I could only know for certain that they will be in good hands and I will still have a feeling of purpose back home. Why is trusting God when you are uncertain about the future so hard?

The Break

For weeks I had been looking forward to a break from school. Teaching, tutoring every night, preparing for the Eco-Karnival, and report cards were draining. The break couldn't come soon enough I thought. My plan was to travel to New Zealand and spend a week with Owen and Irene Gabbie, but that didn't work out. It was just too expensive to travel there. So, I stayed on the rock.

What does one do with no travel plans and a whole week off? I had no agenda, no plans carved in stone. The only plan I stuck to was to not set the alarm clock. What a wonderful feeling waking up on your own time. The evenings have been cool so I kept the windows opened. Waking up to the sound of birds chirping and the palm leaves rustling was as relaxing as a good massage.

So what did I do on Spring Break? I began purging. I started with the closets, moved on to the drawers and cabinets, and finally removed things from the walls of my apartment. Getting rid of stuff kind of feels liberating, doesn't it? At least that is the feeling I get. Why do we think we need all this stuff anyway? Over time it just becomes clutter and I hate clutter.

Not everything was purged, though. Some things are attached to good memories. Those I want to keep. Those things got packed. I thought packing would be emotional and a drudgery. It wasn't.

I didn't purge and pack all week. I wasn't going to spend my entire week off stuck in my apartment. On Tuesday, I was invited by a Korean woman to have lunch at the Hyatt. She was not aware of my "Saipan bucket list", and had no idea that lunch at the Hyatt was on my list. It was a leisurely lunch with no time restraints and a chance to have deep conversations about faith, work, and love. I listened as she shared her story of how she met her husband and chose not to follow Korean "expectations" on marriage, but rather she followed her heart and trusted that God would make something good of it. And he has. He was a poor man, not good marriage material others would say. But she saw something in him that "pinched" her heart. She took a chance on this poor man and they have been happily married for nearly 30 years and have been living on Saipan for 20. They own a successful furniture company here and another one in Korea. I like listening to stories of love and success.

Another bucket list thing I have wanted to do was accomplished one day while driving around Saipan with my coworker and friend, Debbie. From Koblerville to San Rogue to Kagman, we drove all over the island looking for as many churches as we could. When we found one, we got out, walked around, and took a picture. I find the architecture of the churches interesting and very different from one another. It was fun driving around neighborhoods that I have not yet been too.

I had planned to walk up to Mt. Topachau on Good Friday, but a stomach ache and the fact that it was very rainy kept me from that hike. In fact, the only time I left the apartment on Good Friday was to take a late afternoon walk on the pathway.

I wanted to sleep in on Easter Sunday, but I felt compassion on Pastor Greg. He worked so hard all week trying to get everything organized for Sunrise Service. His car was loaded with items for the breakfast. He needed my help. So, I set the alarm for 5:00 a.m. (the only time I set my alarm during break) and headed up to see my last Easter sunrise service on Navy Hill. Even though it was very cool up there, I am glad I went. There is something magical about watching the sun rise. When the service was over and most had left, I lingered up there for a while savoring the view from atop.

Easter Day ended with a long walk on the beach. I live right on the beach, yet I seldom take advantage of walking along it. As I walked on the sand I thought about a lot of things, random things....thoughts about my future, my work here, why faith can be hard at times, how I liked the feel of sand squishing between my toes, and so on. Sometimes I wish there was someone with me on those long walks. I stare at the horizon and I wonder.

My break was good. It was a time to relax and not think about school, students, or work. I slept until my body was ready to wake. I spent quality time with good friends. I felt the sand under my feet. I saw the sun rise. The break was good.

The Eco-Karnival March 13, 2010

SCS Students and Staff

The Ukulele Ensemble

Cultural Dancers perform

The 4th Grade Game

After months of meetings, planning, revising, adjusting, creating, tweaking, and praying the day finally arrived for Saipan Community School's first ever Eco-Karnival. The objectives for this event were to raise funds and awareness for our school. The funds are needed to help replace a roof over the lunch room and office and to purchase a new fire alarm system. The awareness part was to educate our students and the community on the importance of being good stewards of our world. Our theme was the 3R's: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.

As with most things of this nature, there were a few bumps along the way. My bumps began early on the morning of the carnival. Bump #1: A miscommunication with a parent left me "abandoned" at my classroom waiting for someone to help me load up the 4th grade game and supplies. Frustration level begins to increase. Fortunately, I was rescued by Rommel who drove back to the school for a final check to make sure all was well. Coincidence? Divine intervention?

Bump #2: After Rommel and I loaded the game and supplies we headed to Kalili Beach Park to set up. Upon arrival there I discovered that someone else had set up the exhibition booth in the tent that was designated for 4th grade. And there were no extra tents available. Frustration level is increasing rabidly at this point. Breathe Terry. I don't handle frustration well. I know this is a weak area of mine. So, right there in the middle of the park while everyone is busy setting up their booths, I paused to pray and ask for a calm spirit.

God came to my rescue this time....and Tracy, the main organizer of this event. She saw how ''uptight" I was getting about not having a tent and she made a few adjustments and within minutes I was on my way to calmness. We found a tent and I began setting up our game. Thirty minutes later we were ready to go. And I'm happy to say there were no more bumps the rest of the day for me. Frustration dissolved and was replaced with peace, joy, and pride.

I have never been so proud of being a part of Saipan Community School as I was for this event. We are a small school that pulled off a big event thanks to parents, students, the staff, and the community. It was well organized, well set up, and well attended. I do not know just yet how much money we raised for this event, but regardless of the amount, we brought the SCS community together and the even those with no connection to our school were able to see that education can be fun and a family friendly affair.

I was so blessed to have a host of parents and students work in the 4th grade booth. This allowed me to take a closer look at other booths and even play some games from the other grades. I was so impressed with the creativity and fun these games were, and all from recycled materials! You could see how much fun the kids were having. But the booths were not the only thing about this carnival. There was entertainment. I didn't get to see every performance on the schedule, but what I was able to see brought joy to my heart. Our own SCS band and ukulele ensemble performed as well as local cultural dancers. I filmed as much as I could. It was during one of these performances when the thought hit me, "This is my last year here." A big lump formed in my throat.

I am so proud that I got to be a small part of something so big. I felt such pride for our school. We did it! It will be a sweet memory for me and others for days to come.

This event as any event we put on was covered in prayer. In spite of the bumps, God showed his favor upon SCS and the Eco-Karnival. We are indeed "A Family of God."

What Isaac Said About Love

Each Friday afternoon after my students return from Art class I have them spend about 15 minutes writing in their journals. I usually give them writing prompts because experience has taught me that if I don't, several of them sit and stare at the blank piece of paper and eventually draw illustrations of Naruto or Pokemon.

The first entry has to do with what they learned or experienced in school during the week. The 2nd writing entry is responding to whatever writing prompt I give them. The Friday before Valentine's Day I wrote this on the whiteboard: "What Is Love?" Without explaining or manipulating any of my own thoughts about love, I simply told them to think about love and then write down any thought that came to mind.

Here is what one of my students had to say about love. His name is Isaac. He is nine. He has only been learning English for about two years. We can communicate verbally quite well now, but the reading and writing of English is still a work in progress as you will see. I have not edited any words, sentences, or spelling so that you can enjoy it as it was written by Isaac. Parenthesis are mine. And now, love through the eyes of a nine-year-old.

What is Love? by Issac Jang

Lov is my mom, dad, God, good, Jesuse, Candy, gum, shcool, water, paper, friend, Teacher, home, pencil, fire, Soap, Brithday, brother, sister (he doesn't have a sister), bag, Shoe, cloth, had, body, light, air, hame, TV, movie, popcorn, Car, kindless, Chire, plate, book, fan, energe, crayon, Tissu, printer, paint, desk, money, people, market, ms mac, love is everything.

Love is everything according to Isaac. Indeed. Reminds me of what someone else wrote about love.....

1 Corinthians 13 The Way of Love

(The Message)

¹ If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. ²If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. ^3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

^8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

¹¹When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

¹²We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

¹³But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

I love Issac!

The Dance and the Day and a Half Day Trip

Usually I dread Valentine's Day, and this year was no exception. I don't want to be alone on Valentine's Day. I want flowers delivered to me, fine chocolate in a heart-shaped box, a mushy love note hidden under my pillow, and a candle-lit dinner with my sweetheart. I'm a romantic, what can I say? But it wasn't going to happen this year. So, the thought of going to a dance called P.S. I Love You, was not something I was looking forward to, even though it was a school dance sponsored by the 1st grade class.

My thoughts, though, were totally in the wrong direction. This dance was not about romantic love and it certainly wasn't about me. The whole idea of it was to celebrate the love a parent has for a child and to raise money for our school. How selfish of me to dread my participation in a school function that celebrated relationships.

I dallied the afternoon of the dance not caring if I got ready or not. Mrs. Flores offered to give me a ride and be "my date" for the evening. At least I had a date, I thought. She was on time, I was not. Fifteen minutes after she honked the horn I was dashing out the door with shoes dangling from my fingers.

On the drive to the Palms, I complained about this and that and pretty much whined the entire trip. Debbie did not agree with me or disagree with me. She didn't complain about all my complaining, and she didn't judge me. She just listened and nodded a few times. When we arrived she said, "Terry, let's just have a good time."

And you know what? I did. I really truly had a wonderful time. I wasn't expecting to, but I did. When I saw how excited my students got when they saw me, it changed my whole demeanor.

The dance was fun and successful. We raised around $2,000! It was the first time SCS has ever put on a dance. Once my attitude was adjusted I relaxed and enjoyed the evening. I took pictures, gave hugs, and danced with my students. By the last dance my feet were killing me, but I was smiling.

The next day was Valentine's Day. The dread I had was gone. I was looking forward to a day trip to Tinian with some friends. It was actually a day and a half. I needed to get away and this was just the weekend to do it. We took the ferry over to Tinian, which is about an hour's ride over the ocean. Mostly an uneventful trip except for the tourists who were seasick. That wasn't so pleasant.

After we got settled into our rooms at the Dynasty, we walked across the street to a vendor who had scooters for rent. I had never been on a scooter, but I was determined that this was mode of transportation I wanted to use. After a brief lesson on how to operate the scooter, we donned our helmets and were off to see the sites of Tinian.

Our first stop was an al fresco lunch at the Island Garden Cafe. The food wasn't all that great, but the atmosphere was charming. After lunch we headed north to see the ruins of the Japanese Communications Center, the Atomic bomb pits, the blowhole, and many other historical sites. It was well worth the $20 rental fee to ride a scooter around Tinian. Riding around I felt such freedom. I was relaxed and happy. It really is the best way to see Tinian.

By coincidence the Tinian Hot Chili Pepper Festival and the Chinese New Year just happened to occur on the same weekend we were there, a bonus for sure. We attended the Festival and got a bite to eat at one of the booths. It was similar to the Flame Tree Festival on Saipan only much, much smaller. There was some entertainment, not particular good, but overall it was a nice evening.

On Monday we took our scooters to see the Latte Stones and Suicide Cliff. These were my favorite sites to see. Heading back to town, I wanted to take my time and enjoy the ride and the view. I may never ride a scooter on this island again. I wanted to savor every moment.

The weekend scooting around Tinian did more for me than any steroid or energy drink could. I needed the rest, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Even though I had a paid passage back to Saipan on the ferry, I couldn't resist the opportunity to take a charter flight back to Saipan. The little plane,and I do mean little, only held six passengers, including the pilot! I sat directly behind the pilot and watched him fly the plane. Like a giddy tourist I snapped pictures over his shoulder at the cockpit and the landing strip of Saipan. It was only about a ten-minute flight from

Tinian to Saipan, but well worth every penny and every moment! No time or money were wasted here. It was the best way to end my Valentine weekend...flying high and feeling good.

Then Sings My Soul

Have you ever heard a song or listened to music that was so moving it stirred something deep within your spirit and brought tears to your eyes? I've had this experience many times, but none as much as the one I heard last Saturday. The teachers at SCS were given invitations to listen to a former SCS student, Hyung Ji Jang (Jeanie), perform at Giovanni's at the Hyatt. The venue alone is breathtaking and enough to calm your spirit and put you in a relaxed mood. But add to that a brilliant performance by Hyung Ji and her friends and my spirit was uplifted tenfold. I was in awe of the talent these ladies had. Their performances were flawless. At times I closed my eyes and thought I was listening to a recording. But it was live and I was there and I am so grateful for beautiful music.

They performed classical and some more contemporary pieces that are familiar and popular with the general public. The concert began with Gabriel's Oboe from the movie, "Mission". The next performance was a trio of contemporary pieces: Moon River, The Entertainer, and Por Una Cabeza. Then we heard a piano performance of Claire de Lune, followed by Mozart's Horn Concerto No. 4 Movement 3. Next the cellist performed Le Cygne and Salut d'Amour.

There were two performances that moved me very deeply. One was performed by the french horn, the oboe, and the cello, with piano accompaniment. They played an arrangement of This is My Father's World. I recognized it as a hymn. While they were performing, I kept thinking about how God is so big and he gives talent that is so amazing. And I also thought, we so often limit the power of God in our lives. God can use us and grant us amazing talent if we just open up and believe it. Whether that particular piece was included in their concert by design or coincident, God was glorified regardless. For me, it was a moment of deep gratitude.

The last piece was another performance that moved me to tears. Hyung Ji performed the entire movement of Carmen Fantasie. Words cannot accurately express what I heard coming from that flute. She was amazing. The passion she had for performing never wavered throughout the entire piece. She gave her all and we were blessed because of it. The performance deserved and received a standing ovation. As an encore, she performed, You Lift Me Up.

I felt like I was the one lifted up that afternoon. In listening to them perform and watching their passion, I walked away having a bigger view and love for God. Whether they intended that or not, I cannot say. But I can say that I left with my soul singing and a deeper faith for asking God for bigger things.

3 It's the Magic Number!

Do you know what the 18th letter of the alphabet is? Can you hold up three fingers? Do you know what three R's are? I bet you do.

SCS students and teachers have been focusing a lot on how we can take care of our environment. It began several months ago in a brainstorming session with parents and teachers who got together to come up with ideas on how to raise some funds for our school. One of those ideas was to have an Eco-Karnival. The purpose of this event is twofold: one, to raise money for some major repairs and replacements the school is in need of, and two, to educate our students, parents, and the community on the importance of taking care of our environment.

This is going to be a major event for SCS. Huge. Each grade at SCS is responsible for a game booth that must be made of recycled materials. Fourth Grade is using, believe it or not, used chopsticks that have been cleaned, painted a bright color,

and made into a slingshot. There will also be booths that sell

plants, books, food, and crafts and stuff from recycled materials. But that's not all. Because this is an event open to the public, there will be an alumni booth, information booths featuring local

environmental agencies, and some cool entertainment.

Thursday evening SCS had an Eco-Karnival kickoff. For weeks we have planned and rehearsed and edited videos to demonstrate how

serious, yet fun, this event is going to be. To check out our video, go to YouTube and type in Isaac Myhrum and look for the Reduce, Reuse, Recycle video. It's a Jack Johnson song, but with a local and more personal touch. Look carefully, you might recognize someone! To show our commitment and school spirit, all students, teachers, and staff wore the same t-shirt, and if I may boast, we looked pretty cool.

Being in involved in this event has inspired me to think more carefully about ways I can reduce, reuse, and recycle. When I go to the grocery, I take my canvas bag. I wash out my ziplock baggies. They can be reused to store crafts or buttons, etc. I learned long ago to put natural food items in a compost pile, and just recently a Japanese mother showed me how to recycle an old t-shirt into slippers. I'll post pictures of that project when I finish making them.

We are supposed to be good stewards of our world. If one person is conscientious about taking care of our environment, and they inspire three to be good stewards, and those three inspire three....well, it will spread and changes will happen and I think God will be pleased that we respect his world.

"Wake me up, God; ignite my passion, fill me with outrage. Remind me that I am responsible for Your world. Don't allow me to stand idly by. Inspire me to act. Teach me to believe that I can repair some corner of this world." - Rabbi Naomi Levy, founder and spiritual leader of Nashuva, a groundbreaking Jewish outreach organization.

Life is Fragile

This past week I was reminded of just how fragile and precious life is. On Wednesday, one of my students noticed a nestling had fallen from its nest. It was still breathing, but of course very vulnerable. Innocent as they were, the students wanted to keep the baby bird. "Miss Mac, let's keep it and take care of it in the classroom. Please?" One look at the baby bird told me unless we tried to find its nest and put it back, it wasn't going to make it. This was a nestling, not a fledgling. But I didn't want to discourage the compassion in my students. Another teacher made a makeshift nest and both of us researched online on how to help a baby bird that has fallen from its nest. Clearly we were unequipped to take care of this baby. It was in a fragile stage and needed its mother. We kept the nestling in the classroom for almost an hour. You could still see its chest moving up and down. I explained to my students that if this baby bird was to have any chance at all, then we must do the right thing and try to place it back in the tree. Maybe, just maybe, the mother will find it and help it survive. They understood that it might not make it, but I think they learned a lesson in compassion and that life can be fragile, but its worth the effort to survive. I do not know if that baby bird survived or not. I do know we tried to help it.

Hitting even closer to home, I received a phone call from my mom telling me that Dad was in the hospital and had been since Tuesday. What can I do to help from this distance? The only thing I can do is pray. And thankfully many people are praying right along with me. Unlike the baby bird just being born and struggling to survive, my dad is older and health is more vulnerable now. It's difficult seeing a parent begin to lose health. It's difficult thinking of losing that parent. But he is in good hands. The doctors are helping him and trying to find out what is wrong. My dad is a Believer and I know he is in God's hands too. That thought comforts me when I worry about being so far away and not being able to see his face.

Haiti and the devastating earthquake that destroyed everything there is another reminder of how fragile life is. In a matter of minutes one's life can be snuffed out, or life as you know it can be turned upside down. I can't even imagine how the survivors feel. I try to imagine losing everything. Your home. Your neighborhood. The local market. The hospital. The school. Friends. Family. Everything. How does one go on from such devastation?

The only answer is hope. As in the case of the baby bird. My students had hope that they could feed the baby and help it survive. I have hope that the doctors will find out what's wrong with my dad and solve the problem. The people of Haiti have lost everything. Everything, but hope. Let's pray that they don't lose that.

Life is fragile. Live it carefully. Live it well.

My First Painting

This past Wednesday I accomplished something that I have been eager to try for some time now; a work of art that captures a memory I want to keep of my life here in Saipan. Specifically, a painting of the view I see when I look out my window. I had the vision, I just needed a little guidance putting it on canvas. That guidance came from Debbie Winkfield, the art teacher at SCS. She supplied the paints and the brushes, I had the canvas and the vision.

At first it feels intimidating staring at a blank canvas, trying to figure out where to begin and which colors to use. She eased my apprehension by asking me what I saw in my mind. That was easy, the vision was already there. Taking a few paints and mixing the colors, I simply moved the brush across the canvas the way I saw it in my mind. Vision accomplished.

My first painting is not flawless. It's a lot like me. It won't hang in galleries or be sold at an auction. I don't care. It is my first art piece and it captures the vision I had. Now it hangs on a wall in my Saipan apartment. Later it will remind me of my life here.

Blank Canvas

There is something mysterious, even hopeful about a blank canvas. At first glance all you see is a boring white rectangle. But step back and take a broader view of it. Yes, it still looks like a white rectangle, but one that has possibilities. I like to think that my life is like that blank canvas, not just yet, but it soon will be. Clean, white, flawless and ready to be revealed. After I finish this school year at the end of May, my life as I know it now will be a fond memory. I'm starting over....a blank canvas.

Starting over both excites and terrifies me. On a good day, I am excited about the possibilities of a new career and making new contacts. On a bad day, I am terrified about the job search, the interviews, the waiting and hoping, the uncertainty, and the effort on building new relationships. Most days I am excited. And that is what I am focusing on...the possibilities that await me. What will my life look like a year from now? I have a vision in my mind, but will it be painted that way? Am I in control of the paintbrush of my life? No, not really. I leave that to God. Of course I let God know what's in my heart and I hope that it will be painted that way, but I am not the artist or the creator of my life, God is and I must trust him to paint my life as he wishes.

This week I will paint my very first art piece. I have the blank canvas, the paints, the brushes, and the vision of what I want my work to be. It will portray what I see when I look through the windows. While I will have the brushes in my hands, I will rely on the master artist to guide my strokes to reveal my vision. Debbie Winkfield, the art teacher at SCS, has agreed to "coach" me on bringing my vision to the canvas. The literal and figurative blank canvas excite me. The possibilities are waiting.

Will my own life as a blank canvas be so easy to paint? Lord, may it be so.

The Decision

The Letter of Intent hung on my refrigerator for nearly a month, a daily reminder that I had a decision to make: stay for another year at Saipan Community School or move on? Not an easy decision to make and one that caused a lot of inner turmoil. I love teaching 4th grade and I love SCS. And living on a tropical island is kind of nice too. But I felt my heart was pulling me home. I struggled many days and nights trying to make up my mind. I prayed a lot. I asked others to pray for me as well. There were no signs written in the sky or on the wall telling me what to do. Rather the answer came as simple and as quiet as a verse I read in the Bible. On the eve before I was to submit my Letter of Intent to the principal, I sat on my bed surrounded by yellow 3 x 5 index cards with Bible verses written on them. "Why are you troubled? Why do you have doubts?..." Luke 24:38. "Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:24b. "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24. But the verse that I kept focusing on was Isaiah 41:13, "For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you." I fell asleep holding that yellow 3 x 5 index card in my hand. No answer came, no decision was made, but rest was given. Something my body and my mind needed. I slept peacefully. I awoke before the alarm went off, something I rarely ever do. It was then that I knew what I had to do. I would not renew my contract with SCS. I am going home.

Now that the decision has been made to leave Saipan, I face an unknown future. But I am not afraid. God said he would help me. I believe it.